Open Heart Adventure

It has just occurred to me that I am not as dumb as I thought I am, was, whatever.  Anyway, thank God.  Despite this whole notion of everyone having a fixed IQ – which is total hogwash - I’ve had this feeling that I’ve been getting smarter with age.  I knew I wasn’t “supposed” to get smarter according to traditional thought (irony to follow), but yet I was doing better in school, passing big ugly tests, and well, just feeling smarter.  It didn’t make sense until I noticed instances when I was scared, stressed, or otherwise on edge.  And how my brain would literally shut down.  As in, stop working.  It was like this big black hole of nothingness.  Hello, anyone in there?

What I realized was, my intelligence, and well, everyone’s intelligence, is very much a function of our karma.  And by karma, I mean all our shite (that’s German for #$%@).  Basically, as I’ve gotten more diligent about noticing and sometimes addressing my crazy, unhelpful patterns, I’ve gotten more confident, i.e. less scared, and as a result, well, less dumb.  It’s as though my brain has opened up.  In a good way.

We’ve all heard about those research studies where kids who were put into the lower reading groups early on, often fell further behind in school.  And those other kids, the “gifted” ones, continued to excel.  Anyway, this all goes back to what we believe about ourselves, and really, how much we believe in ourselves.  How karmically-clear we are.

By ”believing in yourself” I mean your ability to trust yourself – - Will they think what I said was stupid?  Was that appropriate?  God I can’t believe I thought she was pregnant, I’m such an idiot.  Okay, sorry, that one just slipped out.  But that internal dialogue we have with ourselves, or really, at ourselves, is directly correlated to our levels of self-doubt, and indirectly correlated to how we feel about ourselves.  What I’m trying to say here is that the less internal bashing you inflict upon yourself, the more you trust yourself, and the smarter you are.  The end.

Okay, not really.  But think about it.  When was the last time you had a total cluster situation?  What was going on?  Were you nervous?  Did you feel inadequate around that particular person or group of people?  Were you focused on how your comments and actions were received by the other person as opposed to being present?

The more we focus on the other person, the less aware we are about what’s going on with us.  Essentially, we’re in their “business”.  We’re no longer in our “business” and that’s when things start to shut down.  Or in some cases, speed up, sweat profusely, loose all sense of coordination, etc…  Basically, we look like arses.

Okay, so compare that to the opposite situation.  When was the last time something went really well?  Either you made a great impression, solved a tricky problem, or just felt all-around good about some work you did?  What was going on there?  Again, just a guess, but I’d imagine you were probably doing your thing.  In the zone.  In the flow.

That’s because we literally get smarter, function better, and mess up less when we’re present.  In this moment now.  Which is to say, turning down the volume on all the mental crap that floats in our heads.

The point is to shed some light on all that karmic crap in your head.  Really, karma is just cause and effect.  You do, say, not-do something and there’s an effect.  Maybe you don’t feel it today, next year, or even in this lifetime, but it’ll catch up to you.  That sounds scary.  It’s not, it’s just good basic Buddhist logic.  The key is to bring consciousness to the “cause” side of the equation, your karma.  Bad karma, old, painful patterns, or unconscious thoughts (it’s all the same stuff) can act like a blanket of gray, gloomy clouds that prevents you from seeing straight.  But when you start to notice the karmic cloud, it loses its power over you.  You start to see that you are not your thoughts, and you are not your karma.

Without that awareness, though, bad karma can dumb you down, and even take your life totally off course.  Like when you wake up at age 40 and ask yourself, how did I get here?  Karma baby!  Again, start with noticing.  And keep in mind that all of your craziness, all the stuff you don’t want to see, is intimately tied together with your wisdom.  You can’t access one without the other, so be sure to treat yourself kindly when you do notice.