Hang In There!

A lot of people have been going through a lot lately.  Job losses, foreclosures, floods, pets dying, break-ups, break-downs, I don’t know – - Armageddon perhaps?  Well, maybe…  On a personal level anyway.  When big changes occur, or several consecutive small changes, it can feel like the sky is falling, our lives are crumbling, or even like we’re dying – at least a part of us.

Because change is a lot like death.  It’s this constant turning over – something old “dies” to make room for something new.  The process of living moment by moment is an experience of continually letting go. Which for a lot of us is seriously hard to do.  It’s letting go of our “rightness”, letting go of how things “ought” to be, and even letting go of who we thought we were.  Not a little unnerving.

So I’d like to suggest that with all the ups and downs going on in your life right now, you are not alone.  TRUST ME.  Then again, maybe that’s just my life.  So let’s pretend I’m not alone.  Ah, much better.  You’re not alone, and more than that, hanging in there, weathering these stormy seas, can lead to some meaningful breakthroughs.  I know, I’ve been there too.

Case in point.  I spent the summer of 2008 at a Buddhist Meditation Center in France.  Contrary to my expectations, the first month felt like hell on Earth.  My own, personal, private and oh-so intimate hell… right here.  On Earth.  I wanted to leave hourly.  It was a small French village with just one bus stop 2 miles down a country road and I walked to it regularly just to tell myself that I could get out of there.  But I didn’t leave.  I stayed and endured, and meditated, and hated it some more.  Until… I didn’t.  Until the burning desire to run away fizzled into a memory.  And then I loved it.

Fast forward to 2009.  I’m back home in the US, things are tumultuous yet again, but this time with relationships, career, money, hmm… did I leave anything out?  And while my wonderful co-worker almost got fired today for not meeting her sales numbers, and I sat there wondering what the hell kind of job is this, it occurred to me to hang in there.  That there is a light at the end of most tunnels.

The key, however, is not just to resign myself to misery, which I’m pretty good at.  But to get curious about it all.  I mean, you don’t have to be curious, you can just be pissed, but that’s no fun.  And there’s some serious growth potential in all the curiosity and awareness.  Whenever a person or a situation, or heck, your life, is pushing your buttons, it’s a great opportunity to tune in and figure out why.

After all, life has a way of sending these people or these circumstances our way, like it or not.  And if you want to keep repeating the same pain, have at it.  Change jobs.  Get out of your relationship.  Move to Alaska (been considering this one).  Or… try something different.  Stick with it.  Stay open to what it might have to teach you.  Chances are that all the painfulness and discomfort comes from some of the ways you see the world.  Some of the beliefs you hold so dear.  The beliefs that often define who you are.

But they don’t.  Beliefs are neither here nor there.  They’re neither right nor wrong.  They’re just how we interpret our worlds.  If you have some beliefs that cause you pain, or if you seem to be having deja vu with your new job, boss, spouse, etc… it might not be the situation or the person.  It might just be your beliefs.

I say all of this in the most non-judgemental way possible, which is a lot for me.  But I know how many times I’ve repeated the same situation or somehow ended up with a different version of the same boss I couldn’t stand.  And 9 times out of 10, I thought it was them, not me.  So I changed jobs.  Or I broke up with the guy.  Or I moved to France.

And you know, wherever you go, there you are.  So what I’ve learned is to make friends with me.  I mean, this is one relationship that’s here to stay.  And also, to hang in there.  To work through all the painful stuff that comes up in a job or a relationship.  Because if we don’t work on that stuff now, it’ll be there the next time.  I promise.  It’ll be there until we can look at things differently and change our relationships with ourselves.

Hanging in there is a committment to ourselves, a way to acknowledge the resiliency of our spirits and our capacity for growth.  I believe it’s worth a shot.