Yes, I just posted something, I don’t know, 4 hours ago. And yes, here I am again. Completely restless, jumpy, searching for songs that will say just the right thing. Say what I need to hear. Haven’t found it yet. Have asked my tweeps (people + twitter), have harrassed my sister, have searched itunes, all in vain. Limited chocolate in the house, so no help there. Seems that it’s not about hearing what someone else has to say, but perhaps expressing what it is I want to say. You know, “Say what you need to say”, John Mayer. Hesitation… To post or not to post? Plunge.
Relationships. Letting go. Holding the pain that’s in your heart and moving on anyway. Wowch. Where are these relationship blogs? Or does no one want to own up to the painful remnants of a failed relationship? I don’t. But here goes…
First gratitude. Grateful for you questioning my crazy, worst-case scenario perspectives, mostly about myself, and giving me another view. And I believed you, for the first time. And in turn, began to believe in myself. Grateful for your kindness. Rolling every last item in my suitcase into strange, compact, sausage-like structures such that it closed. While I took a bath and avoided a melt-down. Grateful for your patience with me, particularly related to technology, and just about everything else. Grateful for flowers in France. Grateful that you held your ground and forced me (unwittingly) to grow.
Oops. Also known as sorry sans regret (getting there). Sorry that I was critical. It had nothing to do with you. Sorry that I made demands. I was scared to lose you and find me and well, lose you. Oops:). Sorry for being sorry. Sorry for any pain I caused. It came out of my own pain. Not sorry for skipping football games to go shopping.
What I learned. Learned that depending on you to meet my needs does not work. That’s my job. Learned that sometimes people aren’t on the same page and that’s okay. Learned that good people who love each other aren’t always going to stay together. Learned that love is acceptance. Myself first, you second. Or at the same time. Learned that I’m learning. Learned that I don’t have to be perfect and neither do you. Learning that it’s okay to let go. Better, in fact. But really hard sometimes.
The end. For now.
1 response so far ↓
Shannon // October 29, 2009 at 2:45 pm |
Well said, my friend. I am so proud of you. Well said!