Open Heart Adventure

AHHHH.  Okay, so much for that last post.  Back in the stuck.  Swirling in my pot of stir again.  It’s one of those where the awareness is there and I’m getting the connection between bad feelings and the BAD STORIES in MY HEAD.  And so I’ve spent the last 60 seconds yelling “bad stories in my head, bad stories in my head” outloud.  Yeah, really.  But please don’t call the authorities just yet.

Frantically looking for relief I started to read the hilarious, smart, and oh-so-helpful blog called the Fluent Self.  She – Havi – is all about destuckification (you know, getting unstuck), and it’s brilliant!  After reading her post called “What you do when you feel like dirt”, I’m feeling a little less like dirt.  Just knowing that someone else feels like dirt is a relief.  Especially someone as seemingly cool as Havi.  How can someone that cool and successful and smart feel like dirt??  I don’t know… because she’s human.  Ahh, that feels better.

So after reading Havi’s blog and starting to feel better I paused.  Then the bad stories resumed, but I totally called them out on it and that’s when I started yelling “bad stories in my head” which led to me laughing at myself for being such a spaz.  How do you spell that?

But you know, I wish we would all be a little more honest with each other, and I don’t mean that in a moral platitude-sort-of-a-way, but in a, God, we’d all feel so much better if we were down with the fact that some of the time everyone feels like dirt.  And not in a way to encourage feeling like dirt, but in a way to support each other when we do.  Luckily, Havi’s blog did the trick for me tonight.  And now I’m going to meditate and sit with all that crap-oh-la in just a minute.

Last word on “bad stories in my head”.  It’s amazing how I can take little to no information and craft a deliciously painful story for myself out of my arse.  I know, not a nice image.  But really, where does this stuff come from?  Well, clearly from my mind, which is why I meditate to try to train the darn thing.  Sit dog, sit.  I’m at the point in my meditation where I can see the dog (my mind) eating my shoes (happy place), but I can’t quite get the shoes away from him yet.

Funny thing.  I have this theory that our minds are like dogs.  Hear me out.  I LOVE dogs, no other creature evokes such joy in me  (aside from my nieces & nephews, who aren’t really “creatures”).  Someone pointed out recently that the word “dog” is “God” spelled backwards.  Hmm.  That’s interesting, because I think our minds often get it backwards.  It’s like this hardworking, spastic entity that goes and goes and goes, but without a strong leader it can get seriously out of control.  Our minds usually get the “Godness” or Divineness of things backwards.  And “dog” happens to be “God” spelled backwards.  Coincidence.  I don’t think so.

Lesson #435.  Train that dog, your mind!  Love it, but lead it, and not the other way around.  Think on purpose – or heck, not at all.  And choose good stories in your head.  The bad ones stink.  The end:).