Staying in the Stir

Hello all.  I’m feeling a little lost at the moment, hence the title, “Staying in the Stir.”  Feels like my pot’s been stirred up and boy do I want to do anything but stay with that.  So much so that I have some definite resistance to writing.  As of this sentence I haven’t laid out a clear message for my post, but I suppose that’s a little like life, go with the flow (when we can remember to let go) and see where it takes you.

Uh… so, yeah, it’s not working so far.  Where’s the brilliant message, which is to say that all my previous posts had brilliant messages?  I guess that’s it — letting life take you where it will and understanding that ups and downs are totally par for the course.  When it feels like everything is up in the air and all stirred up, it’s about being with that and not necessarily needing to pull it all together, get it back to good.  It’s funny how we humans seem to think that “normal” is everything staying exactly as we would like it, which sets us up for the constant, exhausting, futile effort to get all our ducks in a row.  I personally have this tendency to make most things a “forever” event.  Meaning, something that seems unpleasant happens and oh no, this is it, things will be this way forever.  Something good happens… okay, well interestingly I have the tendency to expect something bad to happen.  Wow, that sucks.  Although great observation on my part.

The point is that when I can get out of my head, i.e. detach from the swarming worst-case-scenario thoughts and storylines swirling in my brain – there’s relief.  It’s just now and maybe now is on the difficult side, but now is not a forever thing.  I can promise myself one thing – it will change.  Strangely I often can’t remember that truth when I’m in the middle of something that seems just awful, worst thing ever.  And then something changes, and wow, how silly that I was all worried??  Okay, so how many times does that have to play out before I can remember to remember that?  Rhetorical.  I suppose that’s where the practice comes in.  As the Buddhists say, “lean in.”  Lean in instead of running away from the pain, the discomfort, the unwanted whatever.  We actually tend to create more suffering when we run from the pain, when we live under the false pretense that life is supposed to feel super-rosy all the time.  What a funny idea.

I guess a lot of it has to do with this idea of acceptance.  Acceptance of ourselves, first and foremost in my opinion, acceptance of our current situation, and hopefully, acceptance of others.  By acceptance I don’t mean apathy.  I mean being at peace with what is.  Not fighting against life or thinking things should be different than they are.  Of course the next moment could be different, and it probably will be, but the real change happens when we make peace with this moment.  One of my favoritest (not a word) quotes is from Marianne Williamson.  Use whatever name you like, reality, God, life – she says, okay, here’s how it works: #1 – God’s plan works.  #2 – Yours does not.  The end:).  It’s amusing how we think we know best how things ought to be.  I mean how can you know?!  And how exhausting to try to control how things “should” be. 

Last word about acceptance.  I had a heart to heart with myself today, okay, and like everyday, which sometimes gets irritating.  Digressing…  I was curious about my definition of love.  What is yours?  What does love look like to you?  Is it someone behaving in a certain way, is it someone not behaving in a certain way?  Is it having your needs met?  I really would love to hear your feedback.  Well, when I examined what love looked and felt like to me, I was slightly alarmed.  My view of love looked more like what Martha Beck calls “Spider love”.  A spider thinks it loves flies, when in fact it just wants to trap them and suck out their innards for sustanance.  Nice.  Okay, totally not trying to beat myself up here, but my experience or view of love involved a lot of conditions.  After some reflection, my new definintion of love is acceptance.  Acceptance of our situations, our resistance, our joy, ourselves, and others.

Not all of us got that modeling as kids, likely because our parents didn’t get it either.  But now is a great time to teach an old dog new tricks.  And as always, it starts with ourselves.  Once we start to notice that internally critical voice and lower the volume, even just a little, we allow more love in.  It doesn’t have to come from anyone else.  It’s already there.  We just need to clear some space for it.

Okay, sorry if this was sappy, but I suppose that’s what I needed to hear and write.  Here’s to a little more acceptance and a lot more love.